The Dog Who Mistook His Human for a Chew Toy
If it isn’t obvious, my title is a parody of Oliver Sacks’ book,
“The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat.”
I have of late — but wherefore I know not — lost… my mind…
I love Shakespeare, so I plagiarized that line to make the point that… I’m going a little nuts.
You might think I’m trying to say I’m really stressed out, or over worked, or in an untenable relationship.
Well, I have no more stress than most 73-year-old men. I’m certainly not over worked, and Malarina (my wife) is probably the only thing that is keeping me going. So, what is my problem???
About a year ago I published an article with the title, Still Steven. In this article I mentioned that I had just seen the movie, Still Alice, about a woman who is diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer’s. I also mentioned that my grandmother, also named Alice, suffered from severe dementia in her nineties. And, I talked about my own recently emerging memory difficulties in that article.
At the time, I asked my family doctor about my increasing memory issues. She referred me to several specialist, and sent me to get a brain MRI. The MRI revealed a small growth in my brain. The various specialists gave me all sorts of cognitive tests that were for the most part quite fun… at least I found them fun. I actually did quite well on most of these tests, but I scored below average on the short-term memory tests.
Now, a little more than a year after those tests, it is clear to me that my memory is getting worse. I’m not eager to have more tests because they will reveal something about how rapidly this problem is progressing, and I can tell from my own personal experience, this is happening horrifyingly fast.
In the movie Still Alice, Alice decides she wants to live as long as she can, but she plans to commit suicide before her condition gets too bad. As it turns out, she waits just a little too long, descends into dementia, forgets about her plan to off herself, and lives out her physical life… abandoned by her sentience.
What will I do as my problem gets worse? I have often said, I don’t have the personal fortitude to take my own life. I certainly don’t want to become a burden for others, least of all Malarina. So, it’s hard to say…
In the meantime, I will keep writing articles, keep feeding the birds in our back yard… and the occasional robber squirrel… let Maya, our Malamute, take me for walks, and enjoy whatever time I have left… remembering with gratitude all the wonderful experiences I’ve had throughout my life.
